When I lived in Fargo, North Dakota, I did a few broadcasts from fireworks warehouses. They have a few of them there, towns like Rochester, Minnesota buy their fireworks from these warehouses. They sell the kind of fireworks illegal for us common folk to use in Minnesota.

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People with piles of money to spare would walk in, and tell one of the clerks something like, "I'm putting on a show over on the lakes for the 4th of July and need a good selection. Can you put that together for me?"

The clerk would say sure, how much do you want to spend? And honest to goodness, the answers ranged from $200 bucks to $20,000 (that was the highest I heard, anyway). The clerk would ask a few more questions, and off they'd go selecting fireworks with the funniest names I'd ever seen. Then the truck would be loaded up with enough explosives to light up a small town.

I used to sell fireworks. #TrueStory (Photo from The Rabe Collection)
I used to sell fireworks. #TrueStory (Photo from The Rabe Collection)
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But they were just headed to their lake home...hoping they spent enough to beat Allen, across the lake, who had a great show last year. Neighbors out there competed with each other around the lakes and THAT was the best show to watch.

Early on in my Fargo life, I was told to make friends with a lake-home owner so I could spend the 4th of July there. I failed, miserably. But the 4th fell on weekdays while I lived there, so I'd have had to say no anyway...gotta get up at the butt crack of dawn.

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Speaking of Butt Crack, Butt Crackers would be a great name for the snaps you could buy at a roadside stand (FYI: In Minnesota, "biggest fireworks allowed by law" means, "these don't leave the ground").

The names of the fireworks pack are the best part of shopping, I think...so here are the names I liked most this year.

2022s 15 Best Fireworks Names

Every year there's a new batch of fireworks with names that are odd, funny, weird, confusing, or just...whaaaat? This year's list is compiled from fireworks available at Memory Fireworks up t'Fargo, North Dakota.

If you see some that are funny, take a pic and email 'em to me: james.rabe@townsquaremedia.com

As always, if you have a comment, complaint, or concern about something I wrote here, please let me know: james.rabe@townsquaremedia.com

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All the Fun on the Fourth!

Jessica Williams put together this awesome collection, have fun, get out and support your community.

List of Events and Fun in Rochester on July 4th, 2022

Bring your lawn chairs, blankets, snacks, and drinks and celebrate the 4th of July at 4th Fest, a free event happening at Soldier's Field Park in Rochester, Minnesota. According to the City of Rochester, here are the events planned for the day and evening.