We gotta talk, ya’ll.

I just found out about a new trend that made me tilt my head to the side like a confused dog. Have you heard of the “Babymoon”?

A babymoon, according to this random parenting website, is when a couple takes a vacation to relax before their child’s birth. I don’t have any children (other than a kitten), so I can’t quite relate to the craziness of having a newborn child. I’ve heard stories, so I get why couples probably want ooooone more vacation or week of relaxation before their lives are forever changed.

My only issue? There are currently way too many Couple Events. Don’t believe me? Let’s count them all:

  • Engagement Party
  • Bachelor/Bachelorette Party
  • Groom’s Dinner
  • Saying Yes To The Dress
  • Giving A Hoot To The Suit
  • Wedding
  • Wedding Reception
  • Housewarming Party
  • Honeymoon
  • Baby Shower
  • Gender Reveal Party (which is shockingly somehow not the same thing as a Baby Shower)
  • Baby’s First Birthday Party
  • We’re Pregnant Again! (Repeat Baby Shower through Baby’s First Birthday Party)

And you, as a family member, friend, or loved one, are expected to contribute money or buy gifts for 90% of those things! You will never pay off your student loans.

This is no doubt a conspiracy from the Marriage And Baby Illuminati (M.A.B.I.) who are constantly inventing new holidays and events that will make you feel obligated to buy another couple you know a $20 Target gift card or a Salad Shooter. We’ve already seen the advent of the Honeyfund. Mark my words, the Babymoonfund will soon be a thing, and you will be a complete monster if you don’t contribute $20 to your friend's Pregnant Hot Yoga session at a resort in the Bahamas. This is Couple Grifting. I can’t wait to be married.

Source: She Knows